“I got screwed and I survived” support group. Who’s in?
What do you do when you’re hit with a disappointment that feels as earth shattering as that satellite that’s about to come crashing through the sky.
I guess what I am really talking about in this blog is how to recover from betrayal defined as “the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence”
Have you ever been on the receiving end of news like that? Think back to that moment maybe when found out your co-worker threw you under the bus, your girlfriend shared yours secret, or you found out your spouse was cheating. How did you feel?
Although there is no actual knife stabbing you, it still physically hurts.
My shoulders started slumping (even more than usual) and I pretty much went into a fetal position. I could almost hear my heart beating. It felt like it was pounding so fast and so loud.
I got the news right before bed. I would say the worst possible time to find out anything you don’t want to hear. I always believe if you get bad news in the morning the adrenaline rush created can be used much more productively. In the morning, you are either too busy on other projects to get distracted, or you have the resources and energy to take action.
But when you are trying to wind down and clear your head before it hits the pillow, the last thing you want is for your mind to be racing and thinking about woulda, shoulda, coulda’s. It’s like self-torture.
So how do you get your brain to move on? How do you flip that switch and think about something productive as opposed to self-destructive?
I always remember hearing, Don’t cry over spilled milk. And isn’t that what this really is? First, mop up the best you can, if you can at all. And if you are still thirsty get another drink.
I’m not saying you can’t be sad about your loss (and here I am strictly talking about disappointments, not life and death situations. That’s a whole ‘nother story).
But being angry, where is that gonna get you? I read a tweet the next morning about the best way to get back at your enemies is through kindness. Although I wouldn’t consider my so called betrayer to be an enemy. I don’t believe, we as individuals, have enemies, just people in our lives with different viewpoints, different agendas and different values.
And I have yet to find any value in being angry. If you have gotten results from being pissed off, I would love to hear about it. Please comment below.
Knowing that anger has never gotten me anywhere before, how do I shut ‘er down, turn ‘er off, and get those self affirming happy thoughts flowing freely again.
Ever since I saw parts of that movie, EAT, PRAY, LOVE… I have been trying to master the ability to control my mind. I like to think of it as flipping a switch. But this news sent me into a tailspin. And the switch feels so out of reach, so super glued stuck, it would take a team of WWE wrestlers to get it moving.
So when you’re headed full steam down this path of heart thumping eye-popping anger how do you change course?
How do you focus on what’s going right instead of what WENT wrong.
Easy to say, so much harder to do.
I guess here is where I am supposed to offer advice. So what did I just do? I took a deep breath. I inhaled as I counted to six and I exhaled as I counted to six. And I actually think it helped. Thank you yoga. My heart’s not beating quite as fast and the tears aren’t flowing as freely. Yes, the keyboard’s a little wet in spots from the tears, but still working.
I also have to say, putting this all down is writing is helping too. People asked me at the Minnesota Blog Conference “Why do you blog?” Certainly not because people are lining up to read it. For me, it’s like therapy. So at the very least I know I am helping myself.
Tomorrow morning I am going to enjoy my other form of therapy, running! One hour of pure confidence boosting fun. Even if it rains, may it just wash away my troubled night.
So I guess if you run into a bumpy patch or get hit in the eye by a major curve ball realize you are not alone. I thought about starting an “I’ve been F$%% over and I survived” support group.
Just do your best to come up with at least one thing that’s going well for you and focus on that.
I finished a blog, that’s positive right? (Thank you Seth Godin for your blog this morning telling me to just write, and get it out there. It doesn’t have to be great or even good. Just practice)
What about you? How do you shake off something that’s gnawing at you? Please share your tricks for keeping your focus on productive thoughts as opposed to those that are self-destructive?
I hope you’re doing OK Lori. I couldn’t agree more with you about the “why blog?” answer. It is therapy indeed!
Thank you Sasha. I am doing great. A few rough hours but overall a great learning experience. And it is now filed away in the past and I am oh so excited about the present and future. Look forward to seeing you next Thursday.
Sent from my iPhone